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As a child I stuttered. I had difficulties to articulate words, and of cause still more difficulties to pronounce sentences. (To write and read was as difficult. Today we have a word for this, dyslexia). It was an enormous stuttering, I got red from the strain. Eventually I understood that the strain was one more contributing factor to my stuttering. The more strain, the more stuttering, less strain, less stuttering.
But if I prolonged the words, so to say sang them, the stuttering ceased. My fight against the stuttering resulted in a still greater awareness of how I spoke, awareness of my words, awareness of how my words were created, awareness of my flow of thoughts. I discovered the awareness. In time I discovered thoughts, my world of thoughts as an object, like my eyes for seen objects, my ears for heard sound waves. I discovered thoughts, i could mould them, modify them, just like a baker forms the dough. I could chose different objects with my thought, and one always present object was the breathing. Awareness of breathing helped my to understand, how I through the breathing could get at my mental anxiety. I saw how thoughts became words, actions, habit, character and eventually destiny. Today, almost 60 years later, I see a happy little boy, who discovered the awareness, the power of thought over action and the power of action over thought. I say my confinement in the process, I also saw my possible freedom, and I stopped stuttering.
In my thought world I could touch the moon, the sun and the stars, but I couldn´t understand grown ups.
Why didn´t they use my way to discover the world of thoughts, why did they concern themselves only with superficial knowledge? Many capable doctors couldn´t help me, the little boy. Of cause I got confused, the little boy could do what the grown ups couldn´t.
Eventually I left my child´s paradise for words with interpretations. When I learned to bicycle, I sensed the balance, pedaled, and suddenly I left the sensation and the feeling and passed over to the thoughtform ”I can do it, I bicycle myself”. The adult world won, unfortunately. I continued to learn the superficalities the adults saw as important. But the interest for the mental world has remained all through my life.
An episode when I was 20 years old contributed to a still deeper insight into the mental. I worked at that time at the medical faculty in Zagreb (in Croatia) with maintenance of medical instruments. One of my colleagues (we were four plus the boss) stuttered. When I merged into the company, I started to stutter out of sympathy. Then I was teased by my stuttering colleague. By I didn´t worry, I understood the mechanism of stuttering, I remembered my earlier stuttering and of cause had the tool to stop stuttering. I stopped stuttering, and into the bargain I got a still deeper insight into my thought world.
We worked as usual on our place of work and when opportunity was given privately. It´s called ”black work” (?) in Sweden, but in old Tito´s Jugoslavia it was a simple extra income, that the authorities didn´t care much about. Our boss was a very untrustworthy lier. He wasn´t a criminal, but he lied and cheated all who got in his way. I suffered from this situation. My father had teached me always to tell the truth. My experiences later teached me, that it was sometimes better to say nothing. But now I suffered from a real conflict. I was forced time after another to witness lies and little deceits, but I didn´t dare to speak my mind. I was afraid to get dismissed, to lose my dwelling or of other unpleasantnesses.
At the same time I practised Yoga and read eastern philosophy. In a calm state, with my breathing calm, my thoughts too, I said to myself: ”The next time my boss acts deceitfully, I will tell him: ´The boss lies as usual, and all of us knows of his cheating ways!´.” Then I thought no more of it. But one day! Yes, I remember that day, I can feel it more clear than the present, when I write or talk to you. We were all present, I was leaning over an apparatus, and the boss answered the telephone – and started to lie as usual. And suddenly, as if the lightning had struck, all was quiet, I jumped out of my body, about 1½-2 yards up, I can see everything in the room in all directions clearly, every scratch and stain, and hear myself say: ”The boss lies as usual, and we all present know about his cheating ways!”. It was very quiet, I hear, I sense the silence, and after a short time everything returns to the usual. We all were quiet for quite a time, we never spoke about this, I wasn´t dismissed and my boss never lied again, at least not in my presence.
I at once understood how matters stood, but if I had known about this in advance, I hadn´t dared to experiment, afraid of bad consequences.
To sum up, already in early childhood I sensed, I experienced, I understood what awareness is. I saw the value, the difference between inner powers and outer verbal knowledge. I saw the flow of thoughts from the beginning to the power of habit, which for many becomes destiny. Already at that time I understood the power of thought over action, but also the power of action over thought. Still I have needed 30 years´ practise of acupuncture and in total more than half a century to creat a simple therapeutic and learning system, the BioHarmonizer Concept and the CorrectusBack Method. What I needed such a long time to achieve (and I think I´m fairly intelligent and convinced that I can learn quickly), I can teach others in one or two months. This page in pdf) |
